How to ask public agencies, your employer and your family for what you need, and what to do when the answer is no.
Start with one phone number
Most family caregivers find help the slow way, one hold queue at a time. In the Caregiving in the US 2025 report from AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, 28 percent of caregivers said they had trouble finding affordable services such as home health aides, transportation and meal delivery, and 24 percent said they feel alone.
The most useful first call is to the Eldercare Locator, a free federal service at 1-800-677-1116. It connects you to your local Area Agency on Aging, the office that handles much of the public help for older adults and the people who look after them. In Florida, the same door is the Elder Helpline, 1-800-96-ELDER (1-800-963-5337), which routes you to one of the state’s 11 Aging and Disability Resource Centers.
Ask by name for the National Family Caregiver Support Program. It pays for counseling, support groups, caregiver training, respite care and help getting services. It covers people caring for someone 60 or older, people caring for someone of any age with Alzheimer’s disease or a related dementia, and relatives 55 or older who are raising children or caring for adults with disabilities.
Before you call, write down the diagnosis, medications, insurance and what a normal day of care involves. Then say what you need in one sentence: “I need someone with my mother four hours a week so I can work.” Ask the name of every person you speak to.
If the person you care for is a veteran, call the VA Caregiver Support Line at 1-855-260-3274, weekdays 8am to 8pm Eastern. Every VA facility has a caregiver support team. The VA’s comprehensive caregiver program requires, among other things, a disability rating of 70 percent or higher, and can include a monthly stipend for the primary caregiver, health coverage through CHAMPVA and at least 30 days of respite a year. A general support program covers caregivers of other veterans.
Medicaid can pay for care at home through home and community-based services, often after a long wait. KFF counted more than 710,000 people on waiting or interest lists in 40 states in 2024, and those who reached services had waited an average of 40 months. Get on the list early. KFF also found that over 80 percent of people on these lists qualify for other Medicaid services in the meantime, so ask what is available now.
Asking at work
In the AARP report, seven in ten working-age caregivers hold paid jobs, and half of working caregivers have come in late, left early or taken time off to cover care. Only 49 percent say their supervisor knows they are a caregiver.
The federal Family and Medical Leave Act gives eligible employees up to 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave a year to care for a spouse, child or parent with a serious health condition, and your employer must keep your group health insurance going on the same terms. You qualify if you have worked for a covered employer for at least 12 months and 1,250 hours, at a location with at least 50 employees within 75 miles. The leave can be taken in separate blocks or as a shorter work schedule when medically necessary, which suits a caregiver who needs mornings for appointments more than a month off. Your employer may ask for a note from the health care provider and must give you 15 calendar days to supply it. The law does not cover a parent-in-law.
Fifteen jurisdictions, counting Washington, DC, now run paid family and medical leave programs, and Virginia became the first in the South when it passed its law in April 2026. Caregivers in Florida rely on the federal law and whatever their employer offers.
When you go to HR, put the request in writing and make it specific: “For the next three months I’d like to start at 10am on Tuesdays and make up the hours on Thursday.” Ask for a written list of every benefit that could apply to you, including any employee assistance program.
Asking family
AARP found that 53 percent of caregivers get unpaid help from someone, and caregivers who live with the person they care for get it less often. A family meeting turns a vague sense of unfairness into a plan. The Family Caregiver Alliance’s guide to holding one suggests including everyone on the care team, friends, neighbors and paid aides among them, and asking each person to say “I need…” instead of “You should…”. If old arguments take over, a social worker, case manager or member of the clergy can run the meeting. Write down what each person agreed to and meet again, monthly if you can.
Bring a list of actual tasks with the hours each one takes. A brother three states away can still take the insurance calls, pay the bills or cover one weekend a month in person. “Can you help more?” is easy to deflect. “Can you take Mom to her Thursday appointments in March?” gets a yes or a no you can plan around.
When the answer is no
If Medicaid denies a claim or fails to act on it in a reasonable time, you have the right to a fair hearing. Your state sets the deadline to ask for one, and federal rules cap it at 90 days from the date the notice was mailed. Read the notice the day it arrives and file before the date it gives.
If your person lives in a nursing home or assisted living facility, the Long-Term Care Ombudsman Program investigates and resolves complaints about residents’ health, safety, welfare and rights. If an employer refuses leave you believe the law guarantees, the Labor Department’s Wage and Hour Division takes calls at 1-866-487-9243.
After a no, ask what program might fit instead, and try a different door: the hospital social worker, the doctor’s office, a disease-specific nonprofit. On a waitlist, ask where you stand, when to call back and whether a change in your person’s condition would change their place, then call back on that date.
Keep a log through all of it: the date, the name, what was said and what happens next. Keep copies of every notice. A written record of who promised what gives you something to point to when a case stalls.
The part no program covers
Even when every request comes back yes, you are still the person who made forty calls and wrote the email to HR at midnight. The services cover hours of care. Being the one who always has to ask stays with you.
It helps to talk with other caregivers who have made the same calls.
